Ok, so we aren't this behind. We've been doing our devotionals, but haven't stayed as on track as we need to. Things have been mad crazy. So we made sure to sit down tonight and do our devotional, so I thought I'd start playing catch up on the blog!
Today was about cherishing the one you love, no matter what. Love gets tough sometimes, I don't care who you are...love can get tough. People get complacent and annoying and whiney. But you still love. You don't dump the person for someone new, you work on what you've got.
Today's dare was to meet a need of your spouse...whether it be a back rub or help with housework. I honestly don't remember what we did on this day, but I can promise you that we did something special for each other. Actually, I'm pretty sure Brian gave me a foot rub and I made him a special dinner that night (being at home all day, that's about all I can do for him.)
But we always do things for each other...maybe because we're newly weds. I made the comment to Brian that we need to do this again in a year. Maybe every year as a reminder.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Brian 01/12/2011
Today we were supposed to do something out of the ordinary and special for our spouse.
Well it turns out we both spent the entire day trying to think of what we could do that we dont normally do.
Well we came to the conclusion that we both already try to go out of the way to help each other and make their life easier.
This was the best feeling in the world knowing that we already treat each other the way this day said we should.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Day 10: Love is Unconditional
Today's devotional was about unconditional love, and it raised some great questions.
If someone asked you why you loved your spouse, what would you say? Would you answer with characteristics about them and things they do for you? So then what if all of the sudden they stopped being that person and stopped doing the things they did for you? What then? Would you still love them?
Agape love is unconditional love, it's one of the three words used for the different types of love in the Greek language. It means love at all times...bad and good, "in sickness and in health." This is the kind of love that God has for us. I mean think about it...he loves a hooker on the side of the road just as much as he loves the saints. That's some really strong love. That kind of love overwhelms me when I think about it. Try and think about it.
LOVE NO MATTER WHAT! I could be cursing God's name, and while he won't like it...he will STILL love me! That's the kind of love we should have for our spouse. And let me tell you there are times I feel like Brian shouldn't love me...like when I bite his head off for no reason...he still loves me.
The dare for today was to do something out of the ordinary for your spouse. We had a really hard time with this dare. Brian called me at lunch to ask me what I wanted for supper...he wanted to cook for me. I love my husband dearly, but I'm not that big of a fan of his cooking. I politely declined the offer. Later on I started wondering what I could do for him and couldn't come up with anything! I sent him a text that read:
"The problem with doing something out of the ordinary is that we already try to do what we can for each other every day."
He agreed. I guess we're ahead of the dare on this day. We both try to make each other's life as easy as possible every day. He does the dishes in the morning so that when I get up, I have clean mixing bowls and mixing tools. I do the clothes and have his dinner ready for him when he comes home so he can relax the rest of the evening.
So, maybe we're already on the right track. :)
If someone asked you why you loved your spouse, what would you say? Would you answer with characteristics about them and things they do for you? So then what if all of the sudden they stopped being that person and stopped doing the things they did for you? What then? Would you still love them?
Agape love is unconditional love, it's one of the three words used for the different types of love in the Greek language. It means love at all times...bad and good, "in sickness and in health." This is the kind of love that God has for us. I mean think about it...he loves a hooker on the side of the road just as much as he loves the saints. That's some really strong love. That kind of love overwhelms me when I think about it. Try and think about it.
LOVE NO MATTER WHAT! I could be cursing God's name, and while he won't like it...he will STILL love me! That's the kind of love we should have for our spouse. And let me tell you there are times I feel like Brian shouldn't love me...like when I bite his head off for no reason...he still loves me.
The dare for today was to do something out of the ordinary for your spouse. We had a really hard time with this dare. Brian called me at lunch to ask me what I wanted for supper...he wanted to cook for me. I love my husband dearly, but I'm not that big of a fan of his cooking. I politely declined the offer. Later on I started wondering what I could do for him and couldn't come up with anything! I sent him a text that read:
"The problem with doing something out of the ordinary is that we already try to do what we can for each other every day."
He agreed. I guess we're ahead of the dare on this day. We both try to make each other's life as easy as possible every day. He does the dishes in the morning so that when I get up, I have clean mixing bowls and mixing tools. I do the clothes and have his dinner ready for him when he comes home so he can relax the rest of the evening.
So, maybe we're already on the right track. :)
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Brian 01/11/2011
Today we were supposed to give our significant other a special greeting to make them feel special.
Ii fell down on the job.
I thought about what I was going to do but i never did it. So tomorrow I will do it.
Lauren came running to see me and gave me one of the biggest hugs ever. That made me feel so good.
But this made me think about something. I LOVE it when i walk in the door and Lauren gets a big ole smile on her face. So how do you think it makes her feel when I show her how excited i am to see her.
Try it out get excited when you greet the one you love. it might just make their day
Day 9: Love Makes Good Impressions
Hello my faithful readers. Sorry it's been a few days. We missed a couple of days because we were so distracted with SNOW! We got about 5.5 inches of snow Sunday and Sunday night. It was sooo beautiful. We got back on track yesterday, though!
This devotional talks about how much you can tell about a couple by the way they greet each other. I never really thought about this...but it's true. It goes on to say you can tell a lot about someone by the way they greet ANYONE.
If someone comes slowly up to you with a scowl on their face to shake your hand and pulls it away quickly...they obviously don't really want to be around you (maybe people in general) and are very stand off-ish. But if someone has a great big smile and leans in towards you and warmly shakes your hand, it makes you feel good. Well, it's the same with your spouse.
If they come home and you just say hi...I mean, I wonder how that makes them feel. But if you greet them with a smile and an "i love you," imagine what that would do...
Our dare was to think of a way to greet our spouse today. So when Brian came home, I was in the bedroom putting some clothes away. I dropped what I was doing and ran and flung my arms around him and told him I loved him. He was FLABBERGASTED! He loved it! And he told me tonight that when he comes home and opens the door and I'm smiling a big smile, it always makes him feel better.
So SMILE at your spouse...what could it hurt?
:)
This devotional talks about how much you can tell about a couple by the way they greet each other. I never really thought about this...but it's true. It goes on to say you can tell a lot about someone by the way they greet ANYONE.
If someone comes slowly up to you with a scowl on their face to shake your hand and pulls it away quickly...they obviously don't really want to be around you (maybe people in general) and are very stand off-ish. But if someone has a great big smile and leans in towards you and warmly shakes your hand, it makes you feel good. Well, it's the same with your spouse.
If they come home and you just say hi...I mean, I wonder how that makes them feel. But if you greet them with a smile and an "i love you," imagine what that would do...
Our dare was to think of a way to greet our spouse today. So when Brian came home, I was in the bedroom putting some clothes away. I dropped what I was doing and ran and flung my arms around him and told him I loved him. He was FLABBERGASTED! He loved it! And he told me tonight that when he comes home and opens the door and I'm smiling a big smile, it always makes him feel better.
So SMILE at your spouse...what could it hurt?
:)
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Day 8: Love is Not Jealous
There are two types of jealousy...legitimate and illegitimate. Legitimate jealousy would be if your spouse cheats on you, your love for your spouse causes legitimate jealousy. It's jealousy out of love. Illegitimate is when you covet something of someone elses. The devotion said that many times anger comes out of illegitimate jealousy.
It cited several different examples of illegitimate jealousy. It talked about wanted something someone got, or not being happy for someone because they got a promotion which put them higher than you. Another example was about a husband golfing and about a wife getting invited to go out a lot by her friends. You get jealous of the others that get to spend time with your spouse.
I know that that kind of jealousy would hit home to a lot of southern wives. A lot of husbands spend their weekends out hunting or fishing, and I know some of them feel neglected and jealous...and I also know that bad feelings sprout from that.
I love spending time with my husband. But I want him to be as happy as he can be. When he still lived in Washington, I INSISTED that he go out with his friends because I knew they made him happy. BUT, he chose me sometimes. He knew it made ME happy for us to "spend time together" even if it was over the phone. There has to be a balance. But there can't be a balance unless you express to your spouse that the scales are tilting in one direction or the other...and even then your spouse has to understand.
Our dare was to take the list of negative qualities and burn it discreetly. Well, we're doing this together so it wasn't discreet. We folded up our lists so the other couldn't see what was on them and burned them in the sink then washed the residue down the drain.
It was a very powerful exercise. It was meant to put all of the focus on the positive aspects of your spouse, and I can see that it will work. If you burn them and they don't exist...you have nothing to think of but the positive. And if I spend my time thinking of the positive, then the next time he forgets something at the store, maybe I won't go to the Depreciation room. We also had to congratulate our spouse on a success.
And let me tell you...
The job my husband has is not easy. I could not stay and work there, but he did because he had to. And he has made the best out of a sometimes bad situation and he has FLOURISHED! He's so creative and talented and only gets better at his job every day and I can't tell you how proud I am of him!!
It cited several different examples of illegitimate jealousy. It talked about wanted something someone got, or not being happy for someone because they got a promotion which put them higher than you. Another example was about a husband golfing and about a wife getting invited to go out a lot by her friends. You get jealous of the others that get to spend time with your spouse.
I know that that kind of jealousy would hit home to a lot of southern wives. A lot of husbands spend their weekends out hunting or fishing, and I know some of them feel neglected and jealous...and I also know that bad feelings sprout from that.
I love spending time with my husband. But I want him to be as happy as he can be. When he still lived in Washington, I INSISTED that he go out with his friends because I knew they made him happy. BUT, he chose me sometimes. He knew it made ME happy for us to "spend time together" even if it was over the phone. There has to be a balance. But there can't be a balance unless you express to your spouse that the scales are tilting in one direction or the other...and even then your spouse has to understand.
Our dare was to take the list of negative qualities and burn it discreetly. Well, we're doing this together so it wasn't discreet. We folded up our lists so the other couldn't see what was on them and burned them in the sink then washed the residue down the drain.
It was a very powerful exercise. It was meant to put all of the focus on the positive aspects of your spouse, and I can see that it will work. If you burn them and they don't exist...you have nothing to think of but the positive. And if I spend my time thinking of the positive, then the next time he forgets something at the store, maybe I won't go to the Depreciation room. We also had to congratulate our spouse on a success.
And let me tell you...
The job my husband has is not easy. I could not stay and work there, but he did because he had to. And he has made the best out of a sometimes bad situation and he has FLOURISHED! He's so creative and talented and only gets better at his job every day and I can't tell you how proud I am of him!!
Brian 01/08/2011
We combined yesterdays and today's, or is it today's and tomorrow's? Either way we combined them.
We were supposed to take 2 sheets of paper a piece and write on one all the negative aspects of our spouse and on the other all the positive. i could only come up with 2 bad things, the good were:
Independent
Strong
Kind
Resourceful
Empathetic
natural leader
Generous
Smart
Spiritual
Then we had to pick the most important one to us and tell our spouse. I chose empathetic because Lauren helped me through a lot of difficult times because of her ability to relate.
The next step was SO cool. W had to take the negative and burn it. Yes we burned them in the sink. It was one of the coolest things ever.
I suggest that every couple do this.
Then we talked about jealousy. The activity was that we had to tell each other what we were proud of the other for. I told Lauren how proud i was about her baking and how amazing she is doing.
Read this book, seriously.
Day 7: Love Believes the Best
Today's devotion was rather interesting. It talked about how you have two rooms in your head. The Appreciation Room and the Depreciation Room. In the Appreciation Room, all of the positive things about your spouse are written all over the walls. In the Depreciation room, all the negative things about your spouse are written all over the walls. It said that if you spend too much time in the Depreciation room, anger and bitterness and divorce grows. And that's true. Let's say Brian forgets something I ask him to get, it makes me angry which takes me to the Depreciation room and I sit there and focus on all of his bad qualities. And it doesn't make ANYTHING better. Usually it makes me irritable...and well we've covered that.
Our dare was to take two sheets of paper and on one list negative qualities and on the other list positive qualities and hide them in a secret place. Since they were supposed to be secret, we decided not to post the negative qualities but to list the positive ones.
Brian's Positive Qualities:
Loyal
Supportive
Kind
Gentle
Creative
Good Provider
Godly
Hard Worker
Helpful
Handsome
Our dare was to take two sheets of paper and on one list negative qualities and on the other list positive qualities and hide them in a secret place. Since they were supposed to be secret, we decided not to post the negative qualities but to list the positive ones.
Brian's Positive Qualities:
Loyal
Supportive
Kind
Gentle
Creative
Good Provider
Godly
Hard Worker
Helpful
Handsome
Friday, January 7, 2011
Day 6: Love is NOT Irritable
Today's devotional was allll about being irritable with your spouse. Did they write this one JUST for me? Being irritable is pretty bad, I must confess. It never makes anything easier. If I'm stressed about something I'm baking, I'm QUICK to snap at Brian even if he hasn't done a darn thing. I don't mean to, and 95% of the time I say I'm sorry. But it would be a lot easier to just NOT be irritable. It said what we need to do is find the things that cause us to be irritable and stressed and make margins in our life.
Basically, let's say I have cupcakes that have to be ready by 5. If I don't start on them till 3, I haven't given myself much of a margin to mess up or drop a cupcake and have to redo or start over. If I start at 10am and give myself 7 hours, then I'm much less likely to get stressed if I mess something up...which means I'm much less likely to snap at my husband for no good reason.
We had to list areas in which we need wider margins. I would say the main place I need to widen my margins is my baking. I try to bake as close to the time the baked good is due for freshness sake. But I can certainly start a few hours earlier. I've often thought of making 10-2 my work hours, if for no other reason than that way when Brian comes home, it's all about us.
Another area I need to work on is paying bills. For a while I was doing really good about scheduling all of the bills to be paid online at the end of the previous month...like I would sit down at the end of one month to pay bills for the next. The only bills we have to actually pay in person are the electric bill, our Mallette bill, and the rent. The rest I pay online. I've fallen down a little on that job. I need to start giving myself a few more days before the end of the month to get all of this together.
I love my husband more than I could ever express, and it always ends up breaking my heart to think I even MIGHT have hurt his feelings, so I definitely want to work on being less irritable.
Basically, let's say I have cupcakes that have to be ready by 5. If I don't start on them till 3, I haven't given myself much of a margin to mess up or drop a cupcake and have to redo or start over. If I start at 10am and give myself 7 hours, then I'm much less likely to get stressed if I mess something up...which means I'm much less likely to snap at my husband for no good reason.
We had to list areas in which we need wider margins. I would say the main place I need to widen my margins is my baking. I try to bake as close to the time the baked good is due for freshness sake. But I can certainly start a few hours earlier. I've often thought of making 10-2 my work hours, if for no other reason than that way when Brian comes home, it's all about us.
Another area I need to work on is paying bills. For a while I was doing really good about scheduling all of the bills to be paid online at the end of the previous month...like I would sit down at the end of one month to pay bills for the next. The only bills we have to actually pay in person are the electric bill, our Mallette bill, and the rent. The rest I pay online. I've fallen down a little on that job. I need to start giving myself a few more days before the end of the month to get all of this together.
I love my husband more than I could ever express, and it always ends up breaking my heart to think I even MIGHT have hurt his feelings, so I definitely want to work on being less irritable.
Brian 01/07/2011
Today we are supposed to actively try to react to things without irritation. We are also supposed to list times where we need to add more time so we aren't rushed. Then list any wrong motivations in our lives.
#1: time between shower and leaving for work
and that's really the only time I rush that I can think of.
And when I think about the motivations part of it, I cant think of any. Maybe that's how it is for everyone. No motivation seems "wrong" when you're in your own head.
#1: time between shower and leaving for work
and that's really the only time I rush that I can think of.
And when I think about the motivations part of it, I cant think of any. Maybe that's how it is for everyone. No motivation seems "wrong" when you're in your own head.
Today seemed like things were working against us today while we were trying to not get irritated. Between not finding houses and almost running out of gas and the massive storm rush in Kroger it was tough to keep my cool and not get anxious. But I think Lauren and I did well today.
This is another one everyone should try.
Brian 01/06/2011
Today we had to tell our spouse three things that bothered us about them and then try to change them.
I don't need to go into all the details of what we said because Lauren typed it all out.
But I do what to go into what I took away from it. As I sat there thinking of things that irk me, I realised that i do all of the same things that irk me, I leave clothes on the floor, i don't change the t.p. roll, and i will sometimes leave lights on if I leave a room. I had never made the connection before. Now that i know, not only am I going to work hard to change what bugs Lauren I am going to work on stop being hypocritical about the little things that peeve me.
Try it, think of things that bother you and then think hard about whether or not you are guilty of the same things. Then the kicker is stopping those habits. I bet you better half knows you do those things and will be pleasantly surprised that you stopped.
I don't need to go into all the details of what we said because Lauren typed it all out.
But I do what to go into what I took away from it. As I sat there thinking of things that irk me, I realised that i do all of the same things that irk me, I leave clothes on the floor, i don't change the t.p. roll, and i will sometimes leave lights on if I leave a room. I had never made the connection before. Now that i know, not only am I going to work hard to change what bugs Lauren I am going to work on stop being hypocritical about the little things that peeve me.
Try it, think of things that bother you and then think hard about whether or not you are guilty of the same things. Then the kicker is stopping those habits. I bet you better half knows you do those things and will be pleasantly surprised that you stopped.
Brian 01/05/2011
Today we had to contact each other for no reason but to say "I love you."
The thing is we kind of do that already. I call Lauren all the time just to talk and say hi. This one kind of really easy.
Except it was strange because we both knew it was coming. So it was a little awkward at first.
But I urge anyone who doesn't randomly call their better half to say "I love you" or just give them some encouragement, try it for 1 week. I bet it'll make that week a little brighter.
The thing is we kind of do that already. I call Lauren all the time just to talk and say hi. This one kind of really easy.
Except it was strange because we both knew it was coming. So it was a little awkward at first.
But I urge anyone who doesn't randomly call their better half to say "I love you" or just give them some encouragement, try it for 1 week. I bet it'll make that week a little brighter.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Day 5: Love is not Rude
This was a challenging day. The dare was to tell your spouse 3 things that bother you about them. And when your spouse told you what the things 3 that bothered them are, you couldn't defend yourself. Ok. We sat there kind of looking at each other for a moment thinking how we didn't want to do this. But, you can't skip a dare. And I have a feeling that this isn't going to be the hardest thing we do.
So, I went first. The three things that bothered me are:
1. Brian easily forgets things that I need from the store or the things I need done, but always manages to remember the things he needs or wants. We have one car, and I'm stuck at home all day with no way to get anywhere. I depend on him for everything, which is already something that is SO not me. But I've learned to deal with it. He carries all the cash, the debit card, and has the car so I have to have him to get things for me. He has worked really hard on remembering things, but it still happens. I feel like he can't understand where I'm coming from on being completely and totally dependent and how important it is for him to remember me.
2. I REALLY hate that sometimes he takes his plate to the kitchen and sits his dirty plate or cup right BESIDE the sink. He'll go out of the way and walk further to put something on the counter rather than just in the sink. And sometimes he put food still on dishes in the sink.
*I realize this seems trivial, but it said to list things that bother you and there really weren't anymore core things that bother me.
3. His desk area is a full on MESS and it drives me nuts.
So, he took this well. It's not like they were anything he wasn't expecting. And then he thought about a list for me. I fully expected it to be things like I am controlling or bossy or snappy or lazy. I'm so controlling in my own mind that I was about to TELL him what to say. But that's not what he said at all.
1. I leave lights on when I leave a room.
2. I leave clothes on the floor.
3. Sometimes I don't put a new roll of tp on the to holder.
I was floored. Really? THOSE things? I sat there for a minute in disbelief. I got watery eyes. He asked if I was ok, and I said I didn't know. These are all things HE is guilty of as well, and he admitted that. How can you get annoyed at me over something that YOU do? I was really just floored. I couldn't speak. I was not expecting these little things, but they bother him and he was just following the dare.
I started to cry. I could have totally taken him telling me I'm controlling over the fact that I leave lights on when I leave a room. Weird, right? I guess the point was to realize things about yourself that you didn't know. I ended up defending myself anyways. I leave lights on because I'm going BACK in to the room and I leave clothes on the floor sometimes because I pull them off before I go to bed or I'm not ready to put them in the dirty clothes yet. But, ok, they annoy you so I won't do it anymore.
I understand what the point of this dare was. It wanted us to recognize, own, and start to correct the things that annoy our spouses so that there will be a more harmonious atmosphere. I get it. But that one was hard, and I didn't want to write about it until I had had time to sleep and stop being emotional.
I still think about it and am floored, but I did pick my clothes up off the floor today and turn lights off when I leave a room. So, I guess it worked. I just don't like to cry.
So, I went first. The three things that bothered me are:
1. Brian easily forgets things that I need from the store or the things I need done, but always manages to remember the things he needs or wants. We have one car, and I'm stuck at home all day with no way to get anywhere. I depend on him for everything, which is already something that is SO not me. But I've learned to deal with it. He carries all the cash, the debit card, and has the car so I have to have him to get things for me. He has worked really hard on remembering things, but it still happens. I feel like he can't understand where I'm coming from on being completely and totally dependent and how important it is for him to remember me.
2. I REALLY hate that sometimes he takes his plate to the kitchen and sits his dirty plate or cup right BESIDE the sink. He'll go out of the way and walk further to put something on the counter rather than just in the sink. And sometimes he put food still on dishes in the sink.
*I realize this seems trivial, but it said to list things that bother you and there really weren't anymore core things that bother me.
3. His desk area is a full on MESS and it drives me nuts.
So, he took this well. It's not like they were anything he wasn't expecting. And then he thought about a list for me. I fully expected it to be things like I am controlling or bossy or snappy or lazy. I'm so controlling in my own mind that I was about to TELL him what to say. But that's not what he said at all.
1. I leave lights on when I leave a room.
2. I leave clothes on the floor.
3. Sometimes I don't put a new roll of tp on the to holder.
I was floored. Really? THOSE things? I sat there for a minute in disbelief. I got watery eyes. He asked if I was ok, and I said I didn't know. These are all things HE is guilty of as well, and he admitted that. How can you get annoyed at me over something that YOU do? I was really just floored. I couldn't speak. I was not expecting these little things, but they bother him and he was just following the dare.
I started to cry. I could have totally taken him telling me I'm controlling over the fact that I leave lights on when I leave a room. Weird, right? I guess the point was to realize things about yourself that you didn't know. I ended up defending myself anyways. I leave lights on because I'm going BACK in to the room and I leave clothes on the floor sometimes because I pull them off before I go to bed or I'm not ready to put them in the dirty clothes yet. But, ok, they annoy you so I won't do it anymore.
I understand what the point of this dare was. It wanted us to recognize, own, and start to correct the things that annoy our spouses so that there will be a more harmonious atmosphere. I get it. But that one was hard, and I didn't want to write about it until I had had time to sleep and stop being emotional.
I still think about it and am floored, but I did pick my clothes up off the floor today and turn lights off when I leave a room. So, I guess it worked. I just don't like to cry.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Day 4: Love is Thoughtful
Day 4 was pretty easy, or so it seamed. All we had to do was call each other at some point in the day JUST to say I love you. Brian calls me several times a day as it is, but it's usually to talk about something that's happened and I call him but it's usually to request some ingredient to bring home or a nice bubbly coke to drink.
So, we both called each other today and talked with no other reason than to talk and tell each other we loved each other. I'll tell you, it was a little awkward. But both of us also knew it was coming.
Also, even though Day 4 did not include not saying anything negative but I found myself still wanting to not say anything negative, so I guess that's improvement.
We did Day 5's devotional tonight and it only included a short amount of our time, but I'm going to wait till tomorrow to write the entry because it was sort of emotional and will probably include a long entry. :)
So, we both called each other today and talked with no other reason than to talk and tell each other we loved each other. I'll tell you, it was a little awkward. But both of us also knew it was coming.
Also, even though Day 4 did not include not saying anything negative but I found myself still wanting to not say anything negative, so I guess that's improvement.
We did Day 5's devotional tonight and it only included a short amount of our time, but I'm going to wait till tomorrow to write the entry because it was sort of emotional and will probably include a long entry. :)
Brian 01/04/2011
Yesterday we were supposed to go out and buy something specifically for our spouse. We had to take time to think about what they want.
So I decided that I wanted to get Lauren something I never get her, flowers. To understand the importance of flowers you have to know that for the longest time Lauren has told me to not buy her flowers, but to get her cheese(specifically aged parmesan). Every time I've done something wrong I buy cheese. If Lauren is feeling down i buy cheese and a card. I ALWAYS BUY CHEESE!
I wanted to do something different.
Back when Lauren and I were first dating she had told me how no boy had ever bought her flowers. So for Valentines Day I had flowers shipped to her.
So when I wanted to do something REALLY special I knew I had to get flowers. She loved them, she also loved the flour sifter I got her.
So why don't we as men do random stuff like this without expecting something in return or to get out of trouble? How hard is it to be genuinely kind and thoughtful?
I wanted to do something different.
Back when Lauren and I were first dating she had told me how no boy had ever bought her flowers. So for Valentines Day I had flowers shipped to her.
So when I wanted to do something REALLY special I knew I had to get flowers. She loved them, she also loved the flour sifter I got her.
So why don't we as men do random stuff like this without expecting something in return or to get out of trouble? How hard is it to be genuinely kind and thoughtful?
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Day 3: Love is Not Selfish
Last night's reading was about selfishness. Everyone is selfish. Ok, maybe not Mother Theresa...but everyone can't be Mother Theresa. But at some point in your day, you do something that is selfish in one way or another. The dare was to again not be negative and to buy your spouse something during the day to show your spouse you were thinking of them.
Brian had to go to the grocery store for me today before he came home for lunch, so I assumed that he would bring me a wedge of cheese. I told him a long time ago not to worry about flowers...they die. Bring me cheese! But he didn't.
He came home for lunch with a card in one hand and his other hand behind his back. The card was so sweet! Then he pulls the hand around and there is a rose! And a hand crank flour sifter! And it's true...girls do love to get flowers. Even though I had always told him not to, I still LOVE getting this rose. And it's sitting right beside me so I can see it until it's not red anymore.
I must say, just in the three days we've been doing this, I can tell a change in my attitude about things. I cook all the meals and do some work around the house. Brian likes having work to do, so he usually does the dishes and the laundry. But today I found myself wanting to the laundry just to do something nice for him. Weird, right?
Oh, what did I get Brian? Well, when I read this dare, my heart dropped. I don't have a car. Nor do I keep ANY money on me. Brian has the only debit card and keep all the cash because he's the one that's out and about during the day. I had no idea what to do. I could have asked my mom to go pick me up something, but Brian is REALLY hard to buy for. He has a few likes, but he would have expected them. So, we play World of Warcraft. It's how we met, so I guess it will always be a part of our life. So, I thought to myself...could I do something for him in the game? So, I made him a cloak for one of his max level characters.
Ahhhhh...nerd love at its best!
Brian had to go to the grocery store for me today before he came home for lunch, so I assumed that he would bring me a wedge of cheese. I told him a long time ago not to worry about flowers...they die. Bring me cheese! But he didn't.
He came home for lunch with a card in one hand and his other hand behind his back. The card was so sweet! Then he pulls the hand around and there is a rose! And a hand crank flour sifter! And it's true...girls do love to get flowers. Even though I had always told him not to, I still LOVE getting this rose. And it's sitting right beside me so I can see it until it's not red anymore.
I must say, just in the three days we've been doing this, I can tell a change in my attitude about things. I cook all the meals and do some work around the house. Brian likes having work to do, so he usually does the dishes and the laundry. But today I found myself wanting to the laundry just to do something nice for him. Weird, right?
Oh, what did I get Brian? Well, when I read this dare, my heart dropped. I don't have a car. Nor do I keep ANY money on me. Brian has the only debit card and keep all the cash because he's the one that's out and about during the day. I had no idea what to do. I could have asked my mom to go pick me up something, but Brian is REALLY hard to buy for. He has a few likes, but he would have expected them. So, we play World of Warcraft. It's how we met, so I guess it will always be a part of our life. So, I thought to myself...could I do something for him in the game? So, I made him a cloak for one of his max level characters.
Ahhhhh...nerd love at its best!
Monday, January 3, 2011
Brian 01/03/2011
So today was "random act of kindness day. Lauren is making me cupcakes and i decided to surprise her with a lotion foot massage.
The thing is it wasn't hard to think of a random act of kindness, I just had to stop and think of something I knew Lauren would enjoy that I don't normally do. This all got me thinking, "why don't I do this all the time?" How wonderful could I make my wife's life if I took the time to do something random and kind that I don't normally do? It makes me feel good to see her happy and relaxed, so it's a win win situation. The difficult part is not letting it become a habit, if I gave her the foot rub everyday, I'm sure she would love it, but it wouldn't be as special. when you take the time to do something new and exciting it brings a whole new level of caring to the table.
So I pledge to try my darnedest to perform a random act of kindness everyday.
Day 2: Love is Kind
Yesterday's dare was to not be negative with your spouse all day long and to be patient. I think I did ok considering I'm NOT patient. I found myself having to reword things a few times and only one time did I lose my patience and get a little annoyed. Brian said I never did anything that needed patience...have I not revealed my true self or does he just love me THAT much?! ROFL!
The book says that patience is how love REACTS and that kindness is how love ACTS. We were supposed to again today not say anything negative but also throw in an act of random kindness. I wanted to have red velvet cupcakes made for him when he got home, but I had no butter milk. I do still plan on making him the cupcakes but I also made him his own supper per his request: ham and cheese cornbread sandwiches. He loved them. I ate soup.
There were a couple of times today I again had to word my phrases differently as to put a positive spin on a problem. Also, I think Brian may have forgotten his random act of kindness, but I got a foot massage which was FINE with me!
After Brian and I did our devotion last night, we talked about the previous day's dare and just some things about marriage.
I by no means had an unhappy childhood and I don't want anyone to think I am saying that, especially my mother since she's probably reading this. However, most of what sticks out in my mind are the negative things that happened and most of it has to do with my parents separation when I was 8 and then their divorce 6 years later.
The one thing that bothers me the most about Brian is that if I get upset with him, he doesn't argue. He just agrees that he could have done something differently, but he won't argue with me. I realize that makes no sense at all to want to be argued with. And truth be told, I don't want him to argue with me...yet it irks me when he doesn't. He told me his parents never argued. Like, never. Or if they did, he never saw it. I don't remember my parents arguing a lot, but I do remember some pretty big fights both before and after their divorce. And there was arguing, so I guess in my head...that's just the way things are supposed to be. But I don't WANT to be like that, so I'm certainly glad that my husband doesn't argue.
For a long time, I had no intention of ever getting married. I was content on being the crazy cat lady because I never wanted to get divorced. It was not easy on me (my parent's divorce), even though I put on a brave face and marched on like I was ok. I was not ok, but that's what I thought everyone needed to see. In the end, I ended up being bitter towards my sister at times because she wasn't ok and made it very well known so they tended to her feelings more. I needed tending to, but never showed anyone. So, I know now that if I'm hurt that I have to tell someone. I can't count on anyone to just realize something's wrong. I'm too good at hiding my feelings to expect anyone to do that.
So trusting Brian in the first place was a big thing for me and marriage was even bigger. I know that divorce is not an option for us, nor do I think it will ever cross in to our minds. We're both pretty good listeners when it's serious and we've both changed and molded to in to married people that live for each other.
I never thought I'd be bringing a man his plate or cooking what he wants for supper, but I guess that's what love does to you.
-Lauren D.
The book says that patience is how love REACTS and that kindness is how love ACTS. We were supposed to again today not say anything negative but also throw in an act of random kindness. I wanted to have red velvet cupcakes made for him when he got home, but I had no butter milk. I do still plan on making him the cupcakes but I also made him his own supper per his request: ham and cheese cornbread sandwiches. He loved them. I ate soup.
There were a couple of times today I again had to word my phrases differently as to put a positive spin on a problem. Also, I think Brian may have forgotten his random act of kindness, but I got a foot massage which was FINE with me!
After Brian and I did our devotion last night, we talked about the previous day's dare and just some things about marriage.
I by no means had an unhappy childhood and I don't want anyone to think I am saying that, especially my mother since she's probably reading this. However, most of what sticks out in my mind are the negative things that happened and most of it has to do with my parents separation when I was 8 and then their divorce 6 years later.
The one thing that bothers me the most about Brian is that if I get upset with him, he doesn't argue. He just agrees that he could have done something differently, but he won't argue with me. I realize that makes no sense at all to want to be argued with. And truth be told, I don't want him to argue with me...yet it irks me when he doesn't. He told me his parents never argued. Like, never. Or if they did, he never saw it. I don't remember my parents arguing a lot, but I do remember some pretty big fights both before and after their divorce. And there was arguing, so I guess in my head...that's just the way things are supposed to be. But I don't WANT to be like that, so I'm certainly glad that my husband doesn't argue.
For a long time, I had no intention of ever getting married. I was content on being the crazy cat lady because I never wanted to get divorced. It was not easy on me (my parent's divorce), even though I put on a brave face and marched on like I was ok. I was not ok, but that's what I thought everyone needed to see. In the end, I ended up being bitter towards my sister at times because she wasn't ok and made it very well known so they tended to her feelings more. I needed tending to, but never showed anyone. So, I know now that if I'm hurt that I have to tell someone. I can't count on anyone to just realize something's wrong. I'm too good at hiding my feelings to expect anyone to do that.
So trusting Brian in the first place was a big thing for me and marriage was even bigger. I know that divorce is not an option for us, nor do I think it will ever cross in to our minds. We're both pretty good listeners when it's serious and we've both changed and molded to in to married people that live for each other.
I never thought I'd be bringing a man his plate or cooking what he wants for supper, but I guess that's what love does to you.
-Lauren D.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Day 1: Love is Patient
The dare for today (tomorrow, the next 24 hours, whatever) is to not say a single negative thing to your spouse and to be as patient as patient can be. The Bible says that nothing good comes out of anger and having a short temper. I am by no means patient. My husband is always doing something that I just don't understand. I love him more than I could ever express and would throw myself in front of a bus for him, but I am more often than not....NOT patient with him. This should be interesting. Wish us luck!
-Lauren D.
-Lauren D.
The Love Dare
For those of you who've never heard of it, there is a book out based on Christian principles called The Love Dare. The authors are Steven Kendrick and Alex Kendrick with Lawrence Kimbrough. I've never heard of any of these guys until now, so I can't say much about them. The book is referenced in a movie called Fireproof which I also have no knowledge of. This is what the website says about it:
Tonight, we were just laying in the bed and I grabbed it from the night stand and started reading it. It has a small section for the person to journal their experiences. Alas, there's not a lot of room. Since we're working on the book together, I thought it would be better if we had a separate space to log our journey; and that is why you are here reading this now (hopefully!).
We decided that we didn't mind sharing this journey publicly. I mean, if it can help someone else, why not? So, this is the beginning of our journey on The Love Dare.
I was in Books-a-Million this past week in Southaven and was searching for a book that my husband might like. The choices were overwhelming so I decided to look for a devotional that would replace the one that his mother gave to us once we're done with it. So, the store really needs to work on the organization. Nothing was in it's place. I had all but given up when I walked to the end of the aisle and saw The Love Dare. I decided I would get it and we could give it a go once we were done with the devotional we're currently reading."In the movie FIREPROOF, a couple dares to rescue their choking marriage from the flames of divorce and temptation using The Love Dare book as a guide. Now you can take the experience of the film one step further with your own copy of The Love Dare book. This daily devotional steers you through the fiery challenge of developing a strong, committed marriage in a world that threatens to burn it to the ground."
Tonight, we were just laying in the bed and I grabbed it from the night stand and started reading it. It has a small section for the person to journal their experiences. Alas, there's not a lot of room. Since we're working on the book together, I thought it would be better if we had a separate space to log our journey; and that is why you are here reading this now (hopefully!).
We decided that we didn't mind sharing this journey publicly. I mean, if it can help someone else, why not? So, this is the beginning of our journey on The Love Dare.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)