Yesterday's dare was to not be negative with your spouse all day long and to be patient. I think I did ok considering I'm NOT patient. I found myself having to reword things a few times and only one time did I lose my patience and get a little annoyed. Brian said I never did anything that needed patience...have I not revealed my true self or does he just love me THAT much?! ROFL!
The book says that patience is how love REACTS and that kindness is how love ACTS. We were supposed to again today not say anything negative but also throw in an act of random kindness. I wanted to have red velvet cupcakes made for him when he got home, but I had no butter milk. I do still plan on making him the cupcakes but I also made him his own supper per his request: ham and cheese cornbread sandwiches. He loved them. I ate soup.
There were a couple of times today I again had to word my phrases differently as to put a positive spin on a problem. Also, I think Brian may have forgotten his random act of kindness, but I got a foot massage which was FINE with me!
After Brian and I did our devotion last night, we talked about the previous day's dare and just some things about marriage.
I by no means had an unhappy childhood and I don't want anyone to think I am saying that, especially my mother since she's probably reading this. However, most of what sticks out in my mind are the negative things that happened and most of it has to do with my parents separation when I was 8 and then their divorce 6 years later.
The one thing that bothers me the most about Brian is that if I get upset with him, he doesn't argue. He just agrees that he could have done something differently, but he won't argue with me. I realize that makes no sense at all to want to be argued with. And truth be told, I don't want him to argue with me...yet it irks me when he doesn't. He told me his parents never argued. Like, never. Or if they did, he never saw it. I don't remember my parents arguing a lot, but I do remember some pretty big fights both before and after their divorce. And there was arguing, so I guess in my head...that's just the way things are supposed to be. But I don't WANT to be like that, so I'm certainly glad that my husband doesn't argue.
For a long time, I had no intention of ever getting married. I was content on being the crazy cat lady because I never wanted to get divorced. It was not easy on me (my parent's divorce), even though I put on a brave face and marched on like I was ok. I was not ok, but that's what I thought everyone needed to see. In the end, I ended up being bitter towards my sister at times because she wasn't ok and made it very well known so they tended to her feelings more. I needed tending to, but never showed anyone. So, I know now that if I'm hurt that I have to tell someone. I can't count on anyone to just realize something's wrong. I'm too good at hiding my feelings to expect anyone to do that.
So trusting Brian in the first place was a big thing for me and marriage was even bigger. I know that divorce is not an option for us, nor do I think it will ever cross in to our minds. We're both pretty good listeners when it's serious and we've both changed and molded to in to married people that live for each other.
I never thought I'd be bringing a man his plate or cooking what he wants for supper, but I guess that's what love does to you.
-Lauren D.
im cryin <3
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