This was a challenging day. The dare was to tell your spouse 3 things that bother you about them. And when your spouse told you what the things 3 that bothered them are, you couldn't defend yourself. Ok. We sat there kind of looking at each other for a moment thinking how we didn't want to do this. But, you can't skip a dare. And I have a feeling that this isn't going to be the hardest thing we do.
So, I went first. The three things that bothered me are:
1. Brian easily forgets things that I need from the store or the things I need done, but always manages to remember the things he needs or wants. We have one car, and I'm stuck at home all day with no way to get anywhere. I depend on him for everything, which is already something that is SO not me. But I've learned to deal with it. He carries all the cash, the debit card, and has the car so I have to have him to get things for me. He has worked really hard on remembering things, but it still happens. I feel like he can't understand where I'm coming from on being completely and totally dependent and how important it is for him to remember me.
2. I REALLY hate that sometimes he takes his plate to the kitchen and sits his dirty plate or cup right BESIDE the sink. He'll go out of the way and walk further to put something on the counter rather than just in the sink. And sometimes he put food still on dishes in the sink.
*I realize this seems trivial, but it said to list things that bother you and there really weren't anymore core things that bother me.
3. His desk area is a full on MESS and it drives me nuts.
So, he took this well. It's not like they were anything he wasn't expecting. And then he thought about a list for me. I fully expected it to be things like I am controlling or bossy or snappy or lazy. I'm so controlling in my own mind that I was about to TELL him what to say. But that's not what he said at all.
1. I leave lights on when I leave a room.
2. I leave clothes on the floor.
3. Sometimes I don't put a new roll of tp on the to holder.
I was floored. Really? THOSE things? I sat there for a minute in disbelief. I got watery eyes. He asked if I was ok, and I said I didn't know. These are all things HE is guilty of as well, and he admitted that. How can you get annoyed at me over something that YOU do? I was really just floored. I couldn't speak. I was not expecting these little things, but they bother him and he was just following the dare.
I started to cry. I could have totally taken him telling me I'm controlling over the fact that I leave lights on when I leave a room. Weird, right? I guess the point was to realize things about yourself that you didn't know. I ended up defending myself anyways. I leave lights on because I'm going BACK in to the room and I leave clothes on the floor sometimes because I pull them off before I go to bed or I'm not ready to put them in the dirty clothes yet. But, ok, they annoy you so I won't do it anymore.
I understand what the point of this dare was. It wanted us to recognize, own, and start to correct the things that annoy our spouses so that there will be a more harmonious atmosphere. I get it. But that one was hard, and I didn't want to write about it until I had had time to sleep and stop being emotional.
I still think about it and am floored, but I did pick my clothes up off the floor today and turn lights off when I leave a room. So, I guess it worked. I just don't like to cry.
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